Blogging Hiatus

Hey friends,

Last night I found of the results of Bible Bee and unfortunately, I didn’t qualify again. It wasn’t a surprise because I had a feeling I probably didn’t do well, so it’s just another disappointment. And it really hurts this time because my study partner did qualify. I’m having such a hard time coping with this. Thus, I think I need to take a little break from blogging.

I have no idea how long it’ll last, but I may post occasionally. I just need to have time to process it all and get over it.

Thanks for understanding and I’ll hopefully be back sometime soon.

Perfectionism: What God Taught Me This Summer

I dislike being a perfectionist.

It affects how I complete tasks and my emotions. How annoying my thoughts can be sometimes as well.

I dealt with this flaw quite heavily during the duration of the National Bible Bee Summer Study. My desire to qualify for Nationals became very large and spiraled out of control quite fast. I wanted to do better than last year, but I put too much pressure on myself in the process.

This caused unnecessary stress, worry, and feeling overwhelmed. And it didn’t help that I was consumed with the past; dwelling on my rank from last year.

I eventually realized that my perfectionism had officially become worse.

I’ve always dealt with perfectionism since I was little, but it never really was a big deal. But since it was not dealt with, it’s just stuck with me and got bigger and bigger as I started doing more things.

This summer, I was frustrated with myself because of the thoughts I had and the toll it took on my emotions. Some days, I didn’t want to talk to anyone. On other days, my moods would change rapidly and suddenly.

Every part of me was obsessed with doing better, but I ended up just damaging myself. And I hated that.

I began to feel compressed on the inside, like a burden was holding me down. It felt like I couldn’t break free from it and I wanted to cry so much, but never let the tears come out.

So what did I do?

In the beginning, I prayed constantly. But as studying for Bible Bee seemed to become easier, I slacked off. I began to rely on myself instead of my Savior. But that’s WRONG.

God gives us the ability to do what we do, so technically we cannot do anything without Him. However, my mind kept saying, “You’re doing fine; keep pushing yourself.”

But we are weak, and we must accept that fact. We can never be perfect because were born with a sinful nature. That cannot be changed.

2nd Corinthians 12:9-10 teaches us to run to God in our weaknesses, so that we can be strong in His grace. We will always be weak without Him. Thus we need to run to ALWAYS run to Him.

I know that is hard, but dear friend, it must be done. Otherwise, we’ll feel miserable.

Run to God all the time because He cares.

We can cry to God all day long (Psalm 86:3) and He listens.

Cast your anxieties upon Him (1 Peter 5:7).

Pray instead of worrying (Philippians 4:6).

Do not neglect your Savior, but instead invite Him into your struggles.

You do not have to struggle alone.

I really wish I had cared to learn this earlier, but you know, I think this is the reason why God kept nudging me to not give up. There was something that He wanted me to learn, and if I had given up early on, I would have never learned this at the time I needed most.

Nothing will change if we keep hanging on. So let God be in control and find your peace in Him; He has grace to give.

Resources –

5 Ways to Let Go of Perfectionism and Embrace God’s Will

Wisdom for the Perfectionist

Good News for the Perfectionist

At the moment, the summer study is finally over. I took the qualifying test on Sunday and actually felt pretty good when I submitted it. But until I find out the results tomorrow, I’m leaving it in the Lord’s Hand. Whether I qualify or not, He’s going to be glorified in the end. And knowing that, I can be content with whatever the outcome is.